Climbing the Ladder

Today is a big day in the Platypus household. Babe has a job interview for a position he could TOTALLY rock! Yes, he has a job now, but it sucks, immensely. He's miserable and comes home unhappy every day without hail. This is completely unacceptable for me. I need my man to enjoy what he does for a living and working in a place that's conducive to productivity and efficiency, neither of which is current place of employment has. So I've been like his little secretary; being that I'm on summer break for another month and he's the one working 8 hours a day, teaching (yes, he's a teacher who gets no summer break, strike one against his employer), I'm on the job hunt for him. I've managed to find some pretty decent job vacancies with persistent outreach. He knows I'm the job hunt pro, I mean, I've taught for 3 years in 3 different school districts, I know all about finding jobs and wooing employers in the education business.

 So I've put together an awesome resume and cover letter for him and have been emailing and applying on his behalf like crazy. It's finally beginning to pay off, he has an interview this afternoon to be a violence prevention specialist (fancy title huh?!). And he's been getting phone calls and voice-mails more frequently that we're now int he process of returning because of course he's working when they call. That's the hardest part of it all, I can't answer the phone calls for him, just the email responses, and by the time he gets off work and is able to return their calls, they're unable available and he's stuck leaving a message in the hopes they the game of phone tag will end soon. But I am very hopeful for the interview he has today; his job has pretty much set him up to be successful at violence prevention, he does it everyday in his classroom of misfits. They'll love him and his courteous mannerisms and professional tone. They better, hehe. He woke up extra early this morning to head back to his folks' place to get his clothes ready. I even got up with him and made him breakfast, two scrambled eggs and bacon, the breakfast of CHAMPIONS and got his work things ready for him to go. I hate when he has to leave me in the morning not knowing when he'll be back (we don't live together you know), I miss him as soon as I begin to close the door *sniff*.

Anyway, I hope he knocks them dead and lands this gig because it'll definitely help him climb the professional ladder of mental health and youth counseling. He's really good at connecting with young men and neutralizing heightened situations between them, he's quite respected by the young folk ^_^. I can't wait to get the full update as to how it goes, it's not until 4:30 so I've got a while of anxiety to conquer until I hear about it. The only thing is, if he gets this job, he'll be working about 40 minutes in the opposite direction of where he is working now, which makes him about an hour and half offset from where I live, which translates to fewer contact days during the week. But I told him, he's at work more than he's in my presence so his professional is just as important, if not more important than the happiness of spending time together, I'm willing to sacrifice some us time for that. But that's for another blog WHEN he lands the job. More details to come...

Absence...

Our most recent "episodes" in our notebook have been addressing how much we dislike having to schedule time with one another because of our personal agendas getting in the way. It (the notebook) really is a great way to cope with our situation sometimes. You would think living less than an hour apart from each other we'd see each other a little more, but twice a week is all we can salvage most of the time. And it sucks. Whoever said "absence makes the heart grow fonder" lied. Yes, it’s very rewarding to be reunited with one another after each stretch of time apart but that’s not what makes our “hearts fonder.” Absence for us is as simple as a trip to the kitchen or going to take a shower…those minutes apart are even miserable sad to say. So absence and fondness for us has a whole different meaning because I’m sure this isn’t what they meant when they stated that quote. 

So often I wish there were a way to see each other more, I hate missing him so much. I know, I know, you’re all saying, “Get a grip Kia. Live your life.” But I’ve done that. I’m at a point in my life where I’m finally ready to commit to someone else wholeheartedly, 100% with no backing down. And now that I’ve found someone I’m ready to “ride or die” for, we have to check our schedules first. I know it’s important to be patient, things will get better, but how do you cope with finally finding someone compatible and not being able to enjoy them the way you want, when you want? What do I do? I write, I sing, I clean, I do homework (gag), anything to get my mind off of the “absence.”

I could go out and try to have a social life, but every time I finally make a friend around here, they’re gone, relocated to another part of the world where we can no longer hang out. Spain, Japan, New York, back in Texas, just gone. I’m tired of losing good friends so I just stopped making them. I have one friend left here, I should really reach out to her more, but I can’t, and there’s a reason why (maybe in another blog I’ll address that issue).  Man this blog is getting random, am I even addressing the topic at hand anymore? I digress so easily, it’s ridiculous. Anyway, find what works for you in your time of need; I probably wasn’t of much help with this blog but that’s okay sometimes. It helps just to type away all of my thoughts so that it’s one less thing to carry around on my shoulders for the day. I guess my lesson here was (or was supposed to be), it’s okay to miss the one you love whether it’s for a few seconds, a few days, or a few weeks; just make sure that when you’re together you value EVERY moment as if you don’t know when you’ll see each other again, your heart will thank you for it.

“Sometimes it is what it is…it really is.” – Jimmy McNulty

I guess this blog is supposed to be informative, detailing exactly what it is that makes my special lady and I work so well. However, before delving into the mechanisms that strengthen our relationship, I would like to dedicate this first post to my beautiful Snuggle Bunny. She is a truly remarkable person and I can only hope that this post captures a fraction of how wonderful she is.

Kia is an amazing person inside and out and being in love with her has really augmented my perspective on the subject of love in general. The concept of love has been both disgustingly romanticized and cleverly lampooned in contemporary media. Between the bullshit fantasies Hollywood feeds us on a routine basis and the more cynical reflections Chris Rock gives us in a stand-up routine on occasion, there seems to be an interesting dichotomy that emerges in the various conceptualizations of love. Maybe Hollywood has socially engineered us to form unrealistic expectations in regard to the relationships “love” is fostered in, and perhaps Rock’s analysis of relationships is ostensibly a more realistic depiction in response to this. In short, Rock humorously characterizes the modern day relationship as one in which the man sacrifices all of his hopes and dreams in his new life mission to make a woman happy. While I am a firm believer that love is about sacrifice, I think it has to come from both ends to make a relationship truly work. Although, I would definitely sacrifice any and everything and place high importance on her happiness over mine, both of us have at least displayed an equal willingness to sacrifice for the sake of the relationship.

Kia is a tough one to pin down honestly. To even attempt to use quick blurbs to describe her would be a crime of the worst kind, but for today, I would describe her as a true cherisher of moments. I can say with certainty that nothing makes her happier than something as simple as spending time with the ones she cares about. She essentially lives to love people and she is very pure in that sense. It is because of this that, dare I say, Kia comes off as a little Hollywood. Surely everyone has flaws and idiosyncrasies that irk people, but for the most part, Kia is a little too good to be true. However, sometimes it just is what it is. The cynic in me would not want to believe that someone exists that loves as purely as she does, but she is emblematic of all of the best parts of humanity and I am grateful to have her play such a significant role in my evolution as a human being. So, between clichéd cinematic representations of romance and comedic meditations on the subject of love, my experience with Kia lends credence to neither. Every relationship is its own thing and we have to take various steps to make the best of them. I anticipate that Kia and I will enjoy making the best of ours for quite a long time.

(Posted by Perry)

Talk To Me.

One thing I love about our "thing" is how open our communication is with one another. You'll hardly hear about us arguing; that's because we do a great job at thinking things through before addressing each other. Not that we ever get that upset with each other in first place. We've only skipped (to my recollection) 4 nights of not talking to each other in some form of communication. Our very first phone conversation was 7 hours long, we talked until 3 AM (I wake up at 5 AM!). Less than a week later we had our first "date" on Oovoo and it lasted from 8:30 PM to 5:30 the next morning, 10 hours! Unless we have a really long and stressful day, we still average about 2 hours of phone conversation per night. It's amazing how much we still find to talk about each night. Sometimes I ask the most random questions, "Babe, how does the cement in a cement truck not harden?" or "Baby, if dashing means to run quickly, why is it also a synonym for 'handsome'?" and all he can do is laugh and say "Right on top of that Rose." Fun times.

And what's even better, if we can't talk it out, we write. We keep a journal, a scrapbook of sorts where whenever we can't find the words to verbalize our feelings to each other, we can write it down. In our notebook we write each other love letters, apologies, I write him poems, and he writes me songs. Sometimes we even get goofy and have mock handwritten IM convos or take on different personalities and have them communicate with each other. It's crazy how in sync this notebook helps us become. On the inside covers of the notebook we keep other keepsakes from our relationship, although they may soon need to be moved to their own box or something, that binder clip can barely hold them all. Movie tickets, draft copies of letters and poems, refrigerator notes, all clipped inside our special book. 

Our notebook, clever eh?

One song he wrote for me

Inside sample

Back cover keepsakes

If it weren't for our open communication and our ability to express our emotions honestly, I don't think our relationship would be so successful. It's so hard to make it through the week only being able to see him twice, but knowing that we have the evenings to chat it up on the phone at night or have an Oovoo date planned makes the days go by a little smoother. Talking with him makes all things seem so much easier to deal with. Even if other things in life stress me or him out, talking it out with each other takes the stress away, if even just for a minute. Try talking with the one you love, really talking, not yelling, and if that doesn't work, write them a letter (with full intention that they'll read it). Write down everything you're feeling, whether you're afraid to express it verbally or just couldn't find the words at first, your partner will appreciate it. I know I do.

(Posted by Snuggles)

Simple Things...

Sometimes it's just the simple things that happen so nonchalantly that matter in any real relationship. His glimpses over at me as he drives, air kisses as he pumps gas, pretending to bump my arm on the armrest just to touch me. It's those little interactions that you don't really calculate that mean the most sometimes. It's because he does those things that make me smile and love him even more.

Finger in his hand as he drives towards the beach...

posted from Bloggeroid

The Internet is NOT evil...

Anyone who says that meeting someone online is lazy, a scam, pointless; don't listen to them. That couldn't be furthest from the truth. It's about knowing what you're looking for, what site to use, how to promote yourself, and a few other guidelines.

I say this because, well, that's how Perry and I met. Late September on Black People Meet, I was going through an inbox of lame messages and flirts, ready to delete my profile because all of the men were old, ugly, unprofessional, or just wrong. But I decided to try one more search, and his page popped up. He was cute and I LOVED what I read on his page. We deleted our profiles so I don't have the exact quote but I know that he mentioned his expectations from the site, what his ideal woman would be, his educational status and his values. And I was intrigued. So, being that I had a full membership, I sent him a short message along the lines of "I like what I read, we should get together for a dinner sometime, and see if we hit if off."

                                      Babe's Profile Picture: Instant Attraction Helps

Days went by and there was no response, I was beginning to think the feeling/attraction wasn't mutual. Bummer. Back to the drawing board. I was going to delete my profile, because I was beginning to believe all of the negativity said about online dating. I didn't log in for a few days, I figured I'd just have more older men or wannabe thugs leaving me winks in my damn inbox. Then I got an email, the subject read "Perry replied to your message." I immediately logged in and would you believe the only thing I saw was "Here's my number (digits), call me sometime." Bold move! I texted him immediately (yes, text, there was no telling if he were busy or not). And the rest is history (we'll cover it more in depth later).

Let me add, online dating is not for everyone. I say it’s more geared towards working professionals, people who are crunched for social time, people who don’t get out much.

I typed that all to say there's a certain way that internet dating works and I've got a few guidelines and questions to answer that I learned from it all:

1.      Be honest about how you describe yourself, don't type anything you can't prove in person. Just think, why say something about yourself that you know will be looked for in the event you meet someone?

2.      Know what’s important to you in a partner. If you have kids, what qualities must a man/woman have that’ll be suitable for you AND your child(ren)?

3.      What do you value? Family? Education? Religion? Lifestyle?

4.      What are you hoping to gain from the website? A relationship? A casual friendship? A potential lifelong partner? Choose a website that’s geared towards what you’re looking for? Why use a site that wants to lead to more marriages if you’re just looking for casual dating?

5.      What do you want people to appreciate about you in a relationship? What do you have to ‘offer’ so to speak?

6.      Upload a realistic picture of yourself. What would you look like if they happened to walk past you on the street? Don’t put up your most formal photo if you don’t strive to look like that every day, that’ll be the appearance people expect when meeting you.

Use these questions as a guide to create a mental checklist as you’re creating a profile.  It’ll increase your chances of finding someone more compatible and help you weed out the “bad seeds.”

Let me end this by saying, thank you Black People Meet for allowing the (simple) communication between Perry and me. I couldn’t ask for a better partner who meets all of my expectation and vice versa. When used correctly, you too can have this success online.

(Kia's Post)

Introductions and Welcomes

There's just something about being in love when it's real that changes your whole world. My boyfriend and I are best friends and it's heaven on Earth when we're together. We're not quite sure how it'll pan out right now but we hope to have a tip at least once a week based on something that he or I have done to make ourselves ask "Have I told you how much I love you today?" Believe it our not, we murmur those words multiple times a day and often with supporting reasons as to what led us to say it in that moment, it's beautiful. Before we jump into it, let us introduce ourselves:

Kia:

The girlfriend
26 years old
A mom (4 year old daughter)
An elementary teacher of English language development (3 years)
Has a Master's Degree in Education
Studying School Administration 
Speaks, Reads, Writes Spanish
Poet

Perry:
The boyfriend
AKA the Platypus :-)
24 years old
Educator at a local Behavioral Treatment Facility
Pursuing Master's Degree in Counseling
Studying Mental Health Counseling 
Matrix and Dark Knight fanatic
Songwriter

That's just the skeleton of who we are but hopefully this blog, from both of our perspectives will help you in your current relationship (if you really are in love) or to help you pinpoint what you could do to find true love for yourself. We decided it was finally time to share what we think makes us work so well and what we feel others should work on if they truly want to find real love. I won't start today, it's the first day of summer break and I'm all about rest today. Keep your eyes open and heart open, you never know when a key to true love with fall into your lap. 

Peace and love.