“Sometimes it is what it is…it really is.” – Jimmy McNulty

I guess this blog is supposed to be informative, detailing exactly what it is that makes my special lady and I work so well. However, before delving into the mechanisms that strengthen our relationship, I would like to dedicate this first post to my beautiful Snuggle Bunny. She is a truly remarkable person and I can only hope that this post captures a fraction of how wonderful she is.

Kia is an amazing person inside and out and being in love with her has really augmented my perspective on the subject of love in general. The concept of love has been both disgustingly romanticized and cleverly lampooned in contemporary media. Between the bullshit fantasies Hollywood feeds us on a routine basis and the more cynical reflections Chris Rock gives us in a stand-up routine on occasion, there seems to be an interesting dichotomy that emerges in the various conceptualizations of love. Maybe Hollywood has socially engineered us to form unrealistic expectations in regard to the relationships “love” is fostered in, and perhaps Rock’s analysis of relationships is ostensibly a more realistic depiction in response to this. In short, Rock humorously characterizes the modern day relationship as one in which the man sacrifices all of his hopes and dreams in his new life mission to make a woman happy. While I am a firm believer that love is about sacrifice, I think it has to come from both ends to make a relationship truly work. Although, I would definitely sacrifice any and everything and place high importance on her happiness over mine, both of us have at least displayed an equal willingness to sacrifice for the sake of the relationship.

Kia is a tough one to pin down honestly. To even attempt to use quick blurbs to describe her would be a crime of the worst kind, but for today, I would describe her as a true cherisher of moments. I can say with certainty that nothing makes her happier than something as simple as spending time with the ones she cares about. She essentially lives to love people and she is very pure in that sense. It is because of this that, dare I say, Kia comes off as a little Hollywood. Surely everyone has flaws and idiosyncrasies that irk people, but for the most part, Kia is a little too good to be true. However, sometimes it just is what it is. The cynic in me would not want to believe that someone exists that loves as purely as she does, but she is emblematic of all of the best parts of humanity and I am grateful to have her play such a significant role in my evolution as a human being. So, between clichéd cinematic representations of romance and comedic meditations on the subject of love, my experience with Kia lends credence to neither. Every relationship is its own thing and we have to take various steps to make the best of them. I anticipate that Kia and I will enjoy making the best of ours for quite a long time.

(Posted by Perry)

Talk To Me.

One thing I love about our "thing" is how open our communication is with one another. You'll hardly hear about us arguing; that's because we do a great job at thinking things through before addressing each other. Not that we ever get that upset with each other in first place. We've only skipped (to my recollection) 4 nights of not talking to each other in some form of communication. Our very first phone conversation was 7 hours long, we talked until 3 AM (I wake up at 5 AM!). Less than a week later we had our first "date" on Oovoo and it lasted from 8:30 PM to 5:30 the next morning, 10 hours! Unless we have a really long and stressful day, we still average about 2 hours of phone conversation per night. It's amazing how much we still find to talk about each night. Sometimes I ask the most random questions, "Babe, how does the cement in a cement truck not harden?" or "Baby, if dashing means to run quickly, why is it also a synonym for 'handsome'?" and all he can do is laugh and say "Right on top of that Rose." Fun times.

And what's even better, if we can't talk it out, we write. We keep a journal, a scrapbook of sorts where whenever we can't find the words to verbalize our feelings to each other, we can write it down. In our notebook we write each other love letters, apologies, I write him poems, and he writes me songs. Sometimes we even get goofy and have mock handwritten IM convos or take on different personalities and have them communicate with each other. It's crazy how in sync this notebook helps us become. On the inside covers of the notebook we keep other keepsakes from our relationship, although they may soon need to be moved to their own box or something, that binder clip can barely hold them all. Movie tickets, draft copies of letters and poems, refrigerator notes, all clipped inside our special book. 

Our notebook, clever eh?

One song he wrote for me

Inside sample

Back cover keepsakes

If it weren't for our open communication and our ability to express our emotions honestly, I don't think our relationship would be so successful. It's so hard to make it through the week only being able to see him twice, but knowing that we have the evenings to chat it up on the phone at night or have an Oovoo date planned makes the days go by a little smoother. Talking with him makes all things seem so much easier to deal with. Even if other things in life stress me or him out, talking it out with each other takes the stress away, if even just for a minute. Try talking with the one you love, really talking, not yelling, and if that doesn't work, write them a letter (with full intention that they'll read it). Write down everything you're feeling, whether you're afraid to express it verbally or just couldn't find the words at first, your partner will appreciate it. I know I do.

(Posted by Snuggles)

Simple Things...

Sometimes it's just the simple things that happen so nonchalantly that matter in any real relationship. His glimpses over at me as he drives, air kisses as he pumps gas, pretending to bump my arm on the armrest just to touch me. It's those little interactions that you don't really calculate that mean the most sometimes. It's because he does those things that make me smile and love him even more.

Finger in his hand as he drives towards the beach...

posted from Bloggeroid

The Internet is NOT evil...

Anyone who says that meeting someone online is lazy, a scam, pointless; don't listen to them. That couldn't be furthest from the truth. It's about knowing what you're looking for, what site to use, how to promote yourself, and a few other guidelines.

I say this because, well, that's how Perry and I met. Late September on Black People Meet, I was going through an inbox of lame messages and flirts, ready to delete my profile because all of the men were old, ugly, unprofessional, or just wrong. But I decided to try one more search, and his page popped up. He was cute and I LOVED what I read on his page. We deleted our profiles so I don't have the exact quote but I know that he mentioned his expectations from the site, what his ideal woman would be, his educational status and his values. And I was intrigued. So, being that I had a full membership, I sent him a short message along the lines of "I like what I read, we should get together for a dinner sometime, and see if we hit if off."

                                      Babe's Profile Picture: Instant Attraction Helps

Days went by and there was no response, I was beginning to think the feeling/attraction wasn't mutual. Bummer. Back to the drawing board. I was going to delete my profile, because I was beginning to believe all of the negativity said about online dating. I didn't log in for a few days, I figured I'd just have more older men or wannabe thugs leaving me winks in my damn inbox. Then I got an email, the subject read "Perry replied to your message." I immediately logged in and would you believe the only thing I saw was "Here's my number (digits), call me sometime." Bold move! I texted him immediately (yes, text, there was no telling if he were busy or not). And the rest is history (we'll cover it more in depth later).

Let me add, online dating is not for everyone. I say it’s more geared towards working professionals, people who are crunched for social time, people who don’t get out much.

I typed that all to say there's a certain way that internet dating works and I've got a few guidelines and questions to answer that I learned from it all:

1.      Be honest about how you describe yourself, don't type anything you can't prove in person. Just think, why say something about yourself that you know will be looked for in the event you meet someone?

2.      Know what’s important to you in a partner. If you have kids, what qualities must a man/woman have that’ll be suitable for you AND your child(ren)?

3.      What do you value? Family? Education? Religion? Lifestyle?

4.      What are you hoping to gain from the website? A relationship? A casual friendship? A potential lifelong partner? Choose a website that’s geared towards what you’re looking for? Why use a site that wants to lead to more marriages if you’re just looking for casual dating?

5.      What do you want people to appreciate about you in a relationship? What do you have to ‘offer’ so to speak?

6.      Upload a realistic picture of yourself. What would you look like if they happened to walk past you on the street? Don’t put up your most formal photo if you don’t strive to look like that every day, that’ll be the appearance people expect when meeting you.

Use these questions as a guide to create a mental checklist as you’re creating a profile.  It’ll increase your chances of finding someone more compatible and help you weed out the “bad seeds.”

Let me end this by saying, thank you Black People Meet for allowing the (simple) communication between Perry and me. I couldn’t ask for a better partner who meets all of my expectation and vice versa. When used correctly, you too can have this success online.

(Kia's Post)

Introductions and Welcomes

There's just something about being in love when it's real that changes your whole world. My boyfriend and I are best friends and it's heaven on Earth when we're together. We're not quite sure how it'll pan out right now but we hope to have a tip at least once a week based on something that he or I have done to make ourselves ask "Have I told you how much I love you today?" Believe it our not, we murmur those words multiple times a day and often with supporting reasons as to what led us to say it in that moment, it's beautiful. Before we jump into it, let us introduce ourselves:

Kia:

The girlfriend
26 years old
A mom (4 year old daughter)
An elementary teacher of English language development (3 years)
Has a Master's Degree in Education
Studying School Administration 
Speaks, Reads, Writes Spanish
Poet

Perry:
The boyfriend
AKA the Platypus :-)
24 years old
Educator at a local Behavioral Treatment Facility
Pursuing Master's Degree in Counseling
Studying Mental Health Counseling 
Matrix and Dark Knight fanatic
Songwriter

That's just the skeleton of who we are but hopefully this blog, from both of our perspectives will help you in your current relationship (if you really are in love) or to help you pinpoint what you could do to find true love for yourself. We decided it was finally time to share what we think makes us work so well and what we feel others should work on if they truly want to find real love. I won't start today, it's the first day of summer break and I'm all about rest today. Keep your eyes open and heart open, you never know when a key to true love with fall into your lap. 

Peace and love.