When I Grow Up...

When I was a little girl I remember looking up to my parents thinking “I want that.” By “that” I meant the relationship I saw taking place between them. I could see just by how they looked at each other that the love they shared was real and that they would never leave each other’s side. I knew even way back then that I wanted to be loved just as my mother was; I wanted to be the friend and companion that my husband deserved. As I grew up, the more I reflected on my love life, the more I realized that I was looking for what they have and that’s why I was never happy. I never quite got it right in love, I had never met a man who was so doting over me like my father is to my mom. I had never found a man who I was so unconditionally and unconventionally in love with, willing to conquer all things to go to him and stay with him, just like my mother is for my father.  For the past 25 years I’ve watched my parents interact and as I matured I’ve created a list of what I knew my relationship would need to be like to keep me in it:

·         Love was the glue that made it all work, but it’s even more important to LIKE the one you’re with. You don’t need to have every interest in common to be happy, but the ones that mean the most need to be accepted and embraced by your partner regardless of their attitude toward it.

·         Communication had to be open and honest, no matter the message or emotions it may spark. For a relationship to work, talk through your grievances until your conscious is completely clear, hold nothing back because it may be brought up later and become an even bigger issue.

·         Make sure you discuss your major desires in life; if they don’t intertwine, you won’t make it. If you want children and your partner doesn’t, you can’t force it, you can’t change people, they can only change themselves.

·         Support is NON-NEGOTIABLE! No matter how small or irrelevant the passion, never undermine it, it means more to your partner than you probably know and shunning it can ruin your connection forever.

·         It’s okay to be affectionate. You never know what a simple caress of the hand or a kiss as you pass through a room can do for the one you love, or even for yourself.

·         Date each other no matter how long you’ve been together. Take time out to be together, alone, doing something you both enjoy and reflecting on after the night is over, it keeps you young.

The list could go on but just from observation of my parents I knew that these were the bare minimum of what I’d need in a forever type love. Then Perry came along, the man who gives me all of that and more. He walks into a room and blows me a kiss. He asks me out on dates that are as simple as a trip to the movies, but the conversations we have after the movie are usually the best part of the date. We talk. Like REALLY talk. We can talk through any situation, be it our own or someone else’s. He writes me love songs and kisses me goodnight. He sends me “I miss you” texts randomly during the day. He loves Nia like his own, always making sure he makes her as happy as he makes me. He’s a beautiful man and I can honestly say that for once in my adult life, I’m secure and satisfied with him. My puzzle, although complex, is complete because of him. I’d go to the end of the Earth to make sure he was okay and not think twice about it. I respect his decisions, his thoughts, his heart, and I think that’s what matters the most. No matter the angle that I look at the future, he’s in it, and I’m smiling. I can only pray that this is the love I wanted as I child, the love that my parents raised me to desire for myself, because I don’t want to be anywhere but with him. 

Looking ahead, our future is clear...